If I am to be honest, I have not spent the last few weeks as committed to the project of exploring morality and ethics as earnestly as I had hoped. Rather, I have allowed myself to become bogged down by the despair one feels when unsatisfied with their geography and outlook. I have opted for escapism. In the past 24 hours though, I have felt the beginnings of a intellectual renaissance. By this, I mean a tremendous shift in perspective toward optimism and seeking satisfaction despite what I have for so long perceived as negative circumstances.
I’ve been one to strive for an optimal routine since I began working from home four years ago and been afforded more hours in my day to do so: meditating, journalling, exercising and thinking deeply on philosophy, and developing my “new” identity became obsessions. I have been in a near perpetual state of actively seeking problems to fix: my geography, faults in my character (though I find now I have yet to address the most contradictory and pressing ones), feeling like my career thus far has been wasted in a field I am not passionate about etc.
Indeed, much of my anxiety has been self-inflicted.
A thought occurred to me yesterday afternoon however, as I noted the exceptional amount of definition and boldness in the clouds on my drive home, “perhaps there is nothing left to fix”. I do not mean this in a literal sense, because yes, there is always personal work to be done, attention to pay, and mending to do, but perhaps it is time to embark on a new era of intellectual thought and practise. One where all the focus is on simply being honest, present, and making amends with my community, myself, and those nearest to me. I harp often on life being too short to live someplace you do not feel “at home” in, but sometimes it is necessary to face that feeling of homelessness with great intention. Simply enduring it is tiresome and bleak. Why not choose acceptance?
Choose to be all in: embrace this community and identify activities which promote a lifestyle of thriving. Those of you out there feeling the same way as me, let’s do this together.
Admittedly, I prefer to look at life from a negative vantage point because I tell myself that it stirs motivation, increased curiousity, and propels me to be more active in my pursuits. All the same, sitting in gloom, even if it is not constant, does me few favours.
When the pendulum swings and contradictory thoughts set in, remember darkness is only the absence of light. Always in relation, there is room for it all. Such is life. Happiness is not elusive, but you must - look for it - in the here and now…not the future.
I have held in my mind a skewed version of what it means to be present. Recently, I have only been mindful when it suits my comfort zone. Enough of that. Being present means taking all aspects of your life into mindful consideration and making the necessary changes to get right with the people and world around you. This life is simply too brief to long for some future hope! The human body is fit only for so long, so the time to organise your thoughts, develop a self-assured identity, do good, and seek adventure is now.
Have goals. Be motivated to change. But, the answer is always to seek happiness now. I am discovering that for myself, this is the most difficult area of life to strike a healthy balance in, however, yearning and peace can be experienced hand in hand. Desiring new surroundings, personal growth, and positive enchancements to ones life are good, but it is essential to be still and know that each and every moment is valuable and serves its purpose in the grander picture.
Let it be and enjoy.