Dante begins his 14th century masterpiece Inferno by remarking that he has lost the straightforward path. How has he arrived at this place? He is not sure because he was asleep when he lost the way. He paints a timeless picture of uncertainty and desperation to regain one’s footing and better one’s understanding.
Inferno is a commentary on finding salvation, but reading these first lines today, I feel it resonate within my life in a more broad sense. I too have lost the “straightforward path” and as the narrator says:
“I cannot well repeat how I entered, So full was I of slumber at the moment In which I had abandoned the true way.”
In my case, the “forest dark” comes in the form of anxiety stemming from dissatisfaction within my career, an excess of screen time because I am bored and unchallenged most days, and a complete lack of effort to feel my feelings or develop a strong sense of identity due to a fear that I will surely discover I am not as put together as I thought I was…instead, opting for more pleasant and shallower activities. Though I see forward motion on important issues, the past few months have felt painfully slow in terms of progressing my perspective in these areas.
Even as a reader of philosophy and the classics, which (I feel) is a noble use of time and indeed not a shallow activity, I realise sometimes I use this pursuit as a distraction, spreading my attention so thin that there is no room left to analyse my internal self or regulate my emotions at the end of a long day of learning. However we neglect our own emotional health is trivial. The solution is the same: regaining a connection with your mind and body. Often, this is best arrived at by sitting in whatever it is you are sensing, however uncomfortable and thinking seriously about resolution.
The difference between exisiting and thriving is vast. Waking up each morning, doing your work, making it to the end of the day and having some satisfaction about how you spent your time is one thing, but honestly enjoying your journey and living effortlessly, knowing where to direct your attention and how to manage your time and regulate your emotions is the apex of the human existence. Managing to dissociate happiness from the events of your day and your material belongings and being content with you, alone, is a real skill.
It is “cool to be cool”, to not worry excessively, to continue in your pursuits trusting that although doors close, more will inevitably open. Life is fluid, ever in flux. Sometimes we wake up to a thunderstorm in the morning, but by the afternoon, the clouds have parted and the sun is warm against our face, illuminating not just the landscape, but fresh optimism in our spirit.
Such is life: a long-game best practised with patience and an easy-going attitude.
This afternoon, I know this to be true, but I am ever-in-pursuit of this temperament. It comes and it goes. Mindfulness ebbs and flows. Intention waxes and wanes. Ocassionally, I am shaken loose by external forces and struggle to right the ship within. This occurs over and over. Each of us has this experience: we have cycles of life where we bask in the daylight on the right path, self-assured, and others where we crawl on hands and knees through the forest dark unsure of how we entered or where the exit is.
It is pleasant today though to be satisfied in my understanding of my current position. To know that though I feel some heaviness, the fact that I am certain that I feel this way at all puts in my an advantaged state. This is because nobody can right themselves without first discovering they need to be righted. That realisation is a sign of personal growth and reflects a higher-level of understanding.
The clear path is not a perpetual road we travel. Sometimes we veer off course, we lose our way. We try on new identities, we venture into new areas of learning or practise new hobbies. Eventually, we emerge, more enlightened and with a deeper understanding and clearer vision of ourselves and the world we inhabit.
The more I meditate on this, the less I feel despair over periods of uncertainty in life. Oftentimes, a stage of uncertainty is followed by one of incredible clarity. Anxiousness about your career or a relationship or an important decision you must make will give way to something more bright and beautiful if you commit to the journey and have faith in the process.
Reduce distractions, eliminate decision fatigue, conduct daily check-ins, be kind to your body and have a sense of grace about the journey. Be in close contact with those you trust most to encourage and guide you out of the darkness of the woods.
Eventually again, all will be well. Ad infinitum.